Last day of classes

So, yesterday I taught my final tutorial at McMaster. This past eight months I have spent an absurd amount of time wishing I wasn't here, and now that classes are ending, I'm wishing I never had to leave. Honestly, I know that this is crazy,but I also know that it's mostly because apart from writing my thesis, I have almost no plans for the future. Because I did not apply to PhDs, I can't relate to most of my friends who are completing their MAs today. When I finish my thesis, in mid august, I will be finished with school for at least a year. That is TERRIFYING. It has been so long since I didn't know exactly what I was doing in the coming year. I suppose I have to get a grown up job for a while. I suppose I have to live like other people do. Being in schools puts you in this weird state of mind. You are stressed all the time, but it is almost never about things that really matter. You are stressed about grades, you are stressed about not having a social life (or spending too much time in your social life and too little time worrying about your grades), and you stress about  the perception that you professors and colleagues have of you. But none of it matters.

What am I going to do?!

You know how earlier in the semester I said that I hated academia? Well, turns out I also hate real life, and now that I staring down the barrel of real life's gun, I am starting to think more seriously about my PhD. God, I'm changeable.

Another thing that made me think more seriously about further education is a series of amazing reviews I got  from my students on the last day of classes. One of my students straight up told me that she loved my teaching style and that she didn't even want to take this class, but after experiencing my classes, she never missed one! She told me that she never attended her other tutorials because the TAs presented the material in such a boring way.An email from another student says that my tutorial "was a great experience" and that he "truly looked forward to coming to class every week". Another student emailed to tell me that "this year has been amazing", while another came up to me after class to tell me that my advice to her last semester encouraged her to switch majors, and now she is doing much better in school than before. She had come to me after getting a failing grade on her paper from last semester,  and cried because she felt like Political Science was just not doing it for her any more. She is now a Peace Studies major and loving it!   If I can have this impact on students, and they really think I'm a good teacher, maybe I am on the right path.

I guess I have  some time to  figure it out, and given that I have two papers to finish by next week, and then my thesis to write throughout the summer, maybe I should stop thinking so much about my future and just focus on the now.

Happy rainy Wednesday!