Postpartum (and mid-PhD) depression and me

I have postpartum depression.

Forgive any typos, as I write this with one hand while nursing to sleep my 4 month old baby who is presently smack dab in the niddmiddle of a dreaded sleep regression.


I shouldn't be surprised by my diagnosis. It is hardly a rare occurrence among new mothers in the 21st century. It is particularly difficult (and commom) among this generation, I think, because of the great expectations placed upon us by our capitalistic social mores, and our own desires to disprove the stereotypes placed upon the millenial brood.

We (I) feel like we are supposed to be able to make a living, get an education, start a family, and stay out of debt, while the cost of living ever rises, and the respect and economic pay-off one gets for having an advanced degree ever diminishes.

On top of this, we (I) feel the pressure of the ticking time-bomb that represents that tiny window in which we (I) can reasonably expect to start and raise our family before the pressures of an academic career become such that any immense distraction (like pregnancy, child-birth, and caring for an infant) would ultimately spell our (my) demise.

The last 3 months have been the hardest months of my life, by far. I like to think that had I birthed a baby who slept all the time, and didn't cry for literal hours and hours each day, that I eouwo not be struggling to overcome postpartum depression right now. Maybe that is the case, but more likely, like so many women before and after me, I probably would have experienced it anyhow. The feeling of inadequacy, the anxiety over my own gealhe and that of my baby, the fear of doing too much, or too little, or the wrong thing altogether, taunt my every moment spent with this beautiful little child.

But things get gradually better as I begin to grapple with the reality that this is my life now. Sleepless nights, and days spent bouncing and nursing a baby who sometimes just won't be consoled, are the rule rather than the exception. And with the help of my family, friends, and my husband I am slowly becoming someone that I want to be around again.

Unfortunately, now that I begin to see the light at the end of the postpartum tunnel, the fact that my PhD comprehensive exams are fast approaching takes center stage in my mind, creating a whole new set of anxieties and concerns that had been waiting patiently to arise while my mind, body, and soul were otherwise occupied (keeping myself together enough to make it through each painful, colicky day). So, as one problem becomes manageable, so comes another.

But again, with the help of my family, friends, and my husband, I will be able to get through this as well, and find a way to read this stack of books on gender theory, childhood studies, and masculinity, while taking some very special time to enjoy my amazing, ever-changing, challenging, and increasingly spirited baby.

New mom life (tales of a colicky baby and its overtired mother)

Seven and a half weeks ago I gave birth to a very lively, spirited, and loud little baby. The first three weeks were like heaven on earth. A week after giving birth we headed to visit our families up North for Christmas, and while I was tired (and sore...everywhere) it was a relatively non-stressful trip. I may have cried a little here and there, thanks to those postpartum hormones, but this beautiful child slept everywhere, ate like a little piggy, and captured everyone's hearts.

Upon returning home things started to get a little hairy. Our little, spirited, but largely happy baby started to cry... a lot. I know all babies cry, but this wasn't just crying. This was hours of inconsolable wailing that kept us up for the better part of the night trying to sooth - doing anything we could think of - singing, playing music ("Fat Bottom Girls" is one of the little one's favourites!), dancing, bouncing, rocking, and (for me at least) crying right along.

Apparently this is colic, and while I know it is fairly common (up to 40% of babies are diagnosed with colic every year, and Canada has the highest rate of colic of any 'developed' nation in the world) I never thought for a second that I would end up giving birth to a colicky baby. By the time we were in the fourth week of this little creature's life I had thrown out nearly everything that I used to believe about babies out the window. Granola momma no more, we introduced a bottle (because in the middle of the night, in the midst of crying fits, my breasts just won't do), started swaddling and using a soother, and took to taking long car rides in the late afternoon to ensure that at least some day-time sleep would take place. We even discussed switching to formula to see if that might help.  Earlier this week, in desperation, we went to the emergency room in the middle of the night, only leave shortly after checking in with the nurse for fear that if we stayed to see a doctor (it was predicted it would be hours before we could) then none of us would be getting any sleep that night.

As an academic, colic boggles my mind and frustrates me to no end. While on a personal level I am overwhelmed by the sad look on my little baby's face and the shrill cries that escape that little mouth, on a professional level, I am furious that colic is so completely over-researched and under-understood. I have spent hours (that I definitely should have been sleeping) after the cries finally end and sleep takes hold searching academic archives for an explanation of what causes colic, and unfortunately, there is no hard and fast answer. Maybe its gas, maybe it is a symptom of the "fourth trimester", maybe it's acid reflux, or caused by overstimulation, understimulation.....so many theories, so little evidence to back any of it up.

But for the last few days things have gotten gradually better. After some of worst nights of my life, and some of the hardest days, a light is beginning to appear. I've stopped eating soy after reading that some babies have Milk and Soy Protein Intolerance (MSPI), and we are heading to see a pediatrician on Tuesday afternoon, which will hopefully shed some more light on what seemed just days ago like a pretty dismal situation. But right now my beautiful child is sleeping. And that honestly feels like some kind of miracle.

I am looking forward to the end of this ordeal. I want to get to know this little baby whose smiles light up my world, and whose cries break my heart. And I want to get back to doing things other than walking for hours (baby-wearing and long walks have become my best friends and worst enemies) and rocking and bouncing and crying. I want to start studying for my comprehensive exams, and start reading, and painting, and thinking about the future, rather than feeling trapped in the now.

-J

To my future (privileged, white) child

I'm thinking a lot about what it will be like to raise my soon-to-be-baby in our (Western, contemporary) culture. As you may know, VOMD and I are expecting our first child in Early to Mid December. On top of the regular What to Expect type material, I have been reading a lot of books and articles about raising a critical, socially conscious, and culturally sensitive kid.

Many of the articles I have read are written by well-meaning white moms who are concerned that their kid will grow up racist unless they have friends from different cultural backgrounds at an early age. These types of articles are usually tagged alongside feel-good stories about a little black girl and a little white girl who think that they are twins - we've all seen that story on our Facebook feeds, I'm certain. But, recently I read a book called Nurture Shock, which addresses much of the new research into child psychology and development, which addresses the fact that raising your child in a culturally, ethnically, or racially diverse environment does not diminish the extent to which they hold biases later in life. It turns out that children naturally 'sort' people based on characteristics like gender attributes, skin colour, hair colour and type, and attire. It is not enough to raise a child to be colour blind in a colourful world. We need to teach them about injustice, race, ethnicity, religious diversity, and privilege.

So, here are 5 things that I need my future, privileged, white child to know, and that I hope that VOMD and I can teach them.

1. You are so lucky to have been born to middle-class, white, educated parents. We call this privilege, which essentially means that you are given opportunities that many people are not, simply on the basis of the colour of your skin. 
2. When people say that you are privileged, they are not insulting you, or implying that you did not work hard for what you've had. They are simply asking you to recognize that because of the world in which we live, your skin colour makes your life a little easier than it is for many others who were not born white. 
3. You may love the clothing and practices of another culture or religion, but that does not mean that you can simply take what you like from them in the name of fashion. A bindi is not just a pretty decoration for your forehead; sugar skull makeup is not appropriate for Halloween; moccasins, and native head dresses are not just fashion accessories; dread locks are not just a hair style. These things have meaning for the people from whose culture they derive. 
4. If someone tells you that they are hurt by something you have said or done, you should not be defensive - but rather, try to  see where they are coming from, acknowledge what you have done, and offer a genuine apology. 
5. PC culture is not a real thing. Yes, some people take things too far and insist that you never have an opinion for fear of hurting someone's feelings, but for the most part when people call 'PC' they are saying that they should be allowed to be racist, sexist, and bigoted without consequence or public censure. While free speech is certainly an important right in both Canada and the United States, it does have its limits - and one of those limits is that if it is insulting to an entire group of people (especially one who has historically been put down by mainstream, white, Euro-centric culture), or incites violence (physical or otherwise) against anyone on the basis of skin colour, cultural heritage, religion, physical or mental ability, sexual orientation, or gender identity, then it is not acceptable.

Sexist. Racist. Vegan.

Sexism and racism within the vegan movement are increasingly publicized and criticized - and with good reason! I know you've probably read some account, written by a white vegan, that compares the treatment of animals to Jewish peoples, Black Americans or Canadians, or people living in non-industrialized, non-Western or Westernized places͓. Mainstream veganism is often centered on whiteness and the 'vegan community' is largely occupied by white folks who live in gentrified areas, and whose general attitude towards anti-racist sentiments is dismissive, at best, and racist, at worst.

https://secure.peta.org/images/content/pagebuilder/21617.jpg

Anti-feminist sentiment has also been recognized as a staple in the feminist movement – with organizations like PETA using images of scantily clad women, or women with their bodies written on to indicate cuts of meat, to ‘sell’ the idea of vegetarianism, veganism, and animal rights.There are also increasing numbers of vegan youtubers (like Vegan Gains, Freelee, and DurianRider) who get most of their views and likes for criticizing (mostly) women's bodies (not to mention Vegan Gains' tirade against Islam, and his crapping all over people who choose chemotherapy as a cancer treatment, rather than veganism. Freelee was right on board too...because they're clearly oncologists...right? Guess what! Vegans get cancer too! Sorry....I got a little off track).

I have spoken about this before, but I'll mention it again. When I went vegan everyone around me who was already vegan went on about how it was going to make me so healthy, how it was going to clear my skin, get me fit...etc. But going vegan actually triggered chronic acne rosacea, which I am dealing with to this day. Every time some vegan activist starts criticizing a non-vegan's body or skin, I admit I get a little hurt, because I do not fit their mold of what a vegan looks like. This is the case with so many young women in the vegan movement who are not thin. People like Freelee crap all over non-vegans who are 'overweight' and claim that going vegan will solve everything. So when a chubby girl goes vegan and doesn't drop the weight, how do you think that makes her feel?

Recently I've been increasingly confronting my own values, beliefs, and protest methods as I become more aware of issues faced by marginalized people, and more aware of the negative impact that certain animal advocacy methods can have on vegans and non-vegans alike.

Audre Lorde wrote this great essay called the Hierarchy of Oppression, in which she calls into question the notion that at any point she can see something from a single position - as a woman, as black, as a lesbian - and she finds that she cannot, because regardless of the topic at hand - black oppression, women's equity, homophobia - she is always all three.

Within the lesbian community I am Black, and within the Black community I am a lesbian.  Any attack against Black people is a lesbian and gay issue, because I and thousands of other Black women are part of the lesbian community. Any attack against lesbians and gays is a Black issue, because thousands of lesbians and gay men are Black.  There is no hierarchy of oppression. 

So many people I've spoken to in the vegan community, though they disagree with some of the methods used by folks like Vegan Gains, see the service they are providing as useful to the vegan movement. These hyper-macho, sexist, racist, folks appeal to a portion of the population who are unlikely to come to veganism due to the stereotype of the wimpy, feminine vegan man. So, to get them to stop eating animals hyper-macho vegans tell you that going vegan will make you better at sex! It will give you clear skin! It will make you thin (if you're a woman) or jacked (if you're a man)! And then they insult all these people that the hyper-macho non-vegan feels comfortable insulting - fat women, feminine men, followers of Islam...

How is it useful to empower a bunch of racist sexists to stop eating animals, when they continue to direct hate towards humans? There is no hierarchy of injustice, as Lorde tells us. And this applies to the vegan movement as well. Veganism is a gender issues, a race issue, a sex issues, a LGBTQA+ issue. If your methods further disenfranchise or harm an already marginalized group of people, then you are not doing the world any good. 

Happy Tuesday, everyone.

J

What makes a woman?

*I want to preface this by saying that I do not claim to speak for all women, whether cis or trans or otherwise. This is a reflection on recent debates, discussions, and arguments that have taken place in academia and in the western world at large of late. The thoughts here are not fully formulated, particularly with regard the problem of science/biology as marker for legitimacy.*


Gina Rippon, a neuroscientist, among numerous other thinkers, scientists, doctors, and researchers, make the argument that the male and the female brain are indistinguishable.

https://debuk.files.wordpress.com/2015/12/female-brain-male-brain.jpg

Yeah, believe it or not, this image is not accurate! 

While some research suggests that women may be less suited to spatial reasoning tasks, and men less suited to hearing high pitched noises, and multitasking, there is a growing body of evidence that suggests that these are learned and enculturated traits, not innate ones. Those of you who know me, know that I wrote my MA thesis on the problem of public washroom access for nonbinary folks - and the problems with the gender binary as understood by feminists more generally - and a lot of that work drew on Judith Butler, and before her, Simone de Beauvoir, both of whom argue that women are not born women, but rather become women --- though notably Butler's work is much more nuanced.

At the same time, there are some new radical accounts by trans activists and writers who write about being born in the wrong body - the claim being that one is, in fact, born a woman... that one is born with a certain brain, a certain personality, that is inherently 'woman'. And I see this as entirely valid as well. A few years ago there was a conference that Judith Butler attended where a trans woman stoof in front of a room full of feminists and gave a performance of a spoken word poem, at the end of which she exclaimed "fuck you, Judith Butler" (see Transforming Community Conference). This sentiment often stems from the interpretation of Butler's performativity, which is often misread as performance. Gender performance makes gender expression look like drag. Gender performativity, on the other hand, is more complex, and has to do with the sociality of gender as it is developed, solidified, negotiated, and so forth in our social and political contexts. Problematically, though, Butler's work and words have been used by trans-exclusionary radical feminists over the last decade or so to make arguments that exclude trans women from feminist politics, and which refuse to acknowledge the experiences of trans women as legitimate. This has been the impetus for the increase in biological arguments for being born a woman on both sides of the spectrum, with the trans-exclusionary folks arguing that if you are born with a vagina you are a woman and therefore can legitimately make claims to women's spaces and experiences, and on the other side some trans activists have made the claim that trans women are born women as a result of being born in the wrong body - that there is some biological, neurological differences that make them inherently women.

I think both of these arguments are harmful, and are skirting the key issue, which is that the gender binary is problematic to its core and demands of us that we fit, neatly, securely, within its narrow boundaries. It demands that we choose sides. And, given gender's historical relationship to sex in the western world, it demands that we make claims to our identities that are grounded in science, traditional notions of rationality, and biologicality. In doing what the binary demands, in making the arguments "I'm born a woman because I have a vagina" or "I'm born a woman because I have a female brain" we are playing into the trap, inadvertently reaffirming the thing which have for centuries kept us servile. It is deeply problematic that we must revert to biology for legitimacy. As so many feminists, people of colour, LGB, trans, and queer folks have been crying out for ages when (primarily white male activists or scholars seek to prove the existence of injustices, wrong-doings, etc. using science and statistics) "why can't you just trust my experience?!  Why must you prove these injustices?! Why is what I say not enough?!"

I was not born a woman. My vagina made the world treat me in a certain way, which likely had an impact on the behaviour I exhibit. And there are likely biological reasons that I cry more often than I yell, but the world decided that I was a woman, not me. It looks at me, my long hair, my breasts, my emotional demeanor, my clothing choices, my academic interests, and it says to me "that's what a a woman does".  As Beauvoir argued half of a century ago, the title of woman has frequently been used to keep those born with certain traits (physical and otherwise) within a confined box of expected actions, attitudes, and behaviours. As Butler argued half a century later, the binary itself - male/female, girl/boy, man/woman, is prescriptive more than it is descriptive. It tells not only women, but all of us, that in order to be legitimate we must not only behave in a certain way, but have certain body parts that line up with those prescribed behaviours.

There is nothing wrong with someone making a claim to womanhood on the grounds of their born identity, nor is there are  problem with making a claim to womanhood on the grounds of physical traits, nor is there a a problem with someone making a claim to womanhood on the grounds of discomfort/detachment/frustration with the gender prescribed upon them by birth. There seems to be, though, a problem with the use of biology as the determinant for legitimacy. You are a legitimate woman if you feel like a woman. Full stop. It doesn't matter what got you to that place - whether you were born that way, whether culture made you that way, whatever. You are legitimate. All women are legitimate. Trans women are legitimate women. All humans are legitimate. And someone having access to womanhood does not diminish your legitimacy as a woman. Inclusion or exclusion from feminist politics, or womanhood more generally, on the grounds of biological differences is counterproductive to the project I hope we all see as legitimate - calling into question, and tearing down, the patriarchal structures of the majority of the Western world which paint women, non-binary, LGBT, queer, and other non-conforming folks as other, as less-than, as not enough.

Some excuses not to vote (read: I was wrong)

I used to have a pin on my backpack that read: SHUT UP AND VOTE. When I was an undergraduate student at Nipissing University, pursuing my BA in Political Science, I started the habit of writing letters to the editor of our local newspaper, the North Bay Nugget (don't laugh) about political things that caught my attention. One year, I wrote this letter. I'm sharing it with you now, because I have increasingly become critical of a perspective that I once shared with a large proportion of the politically active community - the idea that there is no excuse to not vote.

Here is a direct quote from my letter:

"I timed myself this year, just to prove to a fellow student how silly he was for saying it was a waste of time. Including travel time by bus it took me 15 minutes and 16 seconds.

The average adult Canadian watches 28.8 hours of television a week. Which seems like a bigger waste of time to you?"

Man, what a cocky jerk, right? (especially coming from someone who definitely watches more than 28.8 hours of television a week) 

There are many legitimate reasons why one may not vote, and I am regretful of the shaming tone of the above letter. So, here is my apology.  I am sorry that I shamed non-voters. I am also regretful for my stance on the Occupy movement, which I now recognize as a laudable, and politically legitimate movement with a socio-political agenda that I strongly support. 

In response to that jerk who wrote the letter 6 years ago (I call her 'Old Cranky Jo'), here are some reasons that not voting totally makes sense: 

1. While legally employers are required to give employees time to vote, asking for time off from your job to vote may lead to unfavourable backlash. Some people are also self-employed and for the good of their business, and to protect their livelihood, may not be able to take the time to vote within the limited timeline on voting day. 
2. Voting stations are often inaccessible to people without vehicles or money for public transit.
3. Those with mental, physical, and/or emotional 'dis'abilities may not be able, at any given time, to leave their home, let alone go to a voting station, stand/sit in a line for an extended period of time, and/or comprehend the voting process, how to vote, who they are voting for, etc. 
4. Engagement in the democratic process may be difficult for those whose lives are dominated by other concerns - like health issues, familial or relationship obligations, childcare, employment, emergency overseas trips, and so much more.
5. Some people may be politically motivated to abstain from voting. I've met some pretty rad anarchistic people recently who make a decent argument for non-engagement in a corrupt system as a political statement, and as an attempt to make themselves ungovernable. (I'm not on the same page, but I get where they are coming from)
6. Education and access to information (or lack thereof) may result in disinterest and disengagement that is not willful. Don't think that this is accidental. Why do you think governments don't really seem to care when there are low voter turn-outs? The system which discourages your participation resulted in their power!
7. There are plenty of people who feel as though not a single politician represents their views and values. It is notable that our public figures tend to be wealthy, white, male, English-speaking, of Western European descent, and at least slightly right leaning.

So, when I wrote that letter 6 years ago, I had not fully considered the implications of what I was saying. I was young, uneducated, and less critical than I am today. 

Thanks for hearing me out, folks.

Happy Monday, from a woman who makes mistakes, but is always learning! 

-J

Ableism and virtual activism

For the last three weeks I have spent most of my time in front of the computer, curled up on the couch or in bed with a stack of dirty tissues on one side, and a glass of water on the other. Because of my sickness I have not been able to take to the streets with my fellow feminists and water protectors, and it has given me a strange sense of impostor syndrome that I normally only feel in the academic world.

But then I read this article about the disability march - a group of people from all over the continent and the world, despite physical or mental limitations, engage in the political practices of the majority from their homes.

I am critical of social media for many reasons - but for its capacity to allow people who can otherwise not get involved in politics to raise their voices, it is invaluable. (that said, access to the internet and social media is limited based on economics, geography, etc., but that is a conversation, perhaps, for another day).

There are many reasons that someone may not be able to physically be present at polling stations, marches, rallies, and protests. I keep hearing from my politically active friends: "shut up and vote"; "get off your ass and do something"; "so, where were you on the 21st?!" and so forth. This ableist attitude is harmful to a movement that seeks to overcome the American administration headed by President Cheeto Birdbrain who thinks it is appropriate to mock a disabled reporter (you all remember this, don't you?!)

Today there is a rally against Line 10 here in Hamilton - our Canadian PM is approving the destruction of indigenous land, and threatening the health and safety of our water. I will not be able to attend. But I am here, writing this post to say that though I - and many others - may not be physically present, our voices are being raised. We are writing letters to our MPs, we are calling their offices, we are signing petitions, we are sending money and supplies to water protectors, we are fighting alongside you, even though you cannot see us. I will eventually be able to leave my home and physically join in, but many others will not. Don't be an ableist by insulting the absent. Call on able bodied (and able minded) people to be present, and empower those who cannot to do what they can, to get involved in their own way.

Here are some resources for those who can't get out there, but are protesting the hell out of our leaders' injustices in whatever way they can:

https://hackblossom.org/cybersecurity/ : A guide to safely existing and organizing in the virtual world

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/07/being-a-disabled-activist_n_3719441.html : An article in the huff by a disabled activist with some very helpful tips on how to get involved

http://www.bostoncoop.net/~balm/training/legal_gd_disability.pdf : A legal guide for disabled activists (particularly those able bodied enough to be physically present - ie. what to do if you are arrested etc.)

http://www.ndhealth.gov/injury/ND_Prevention_Tool_Kit/docs/Tools_and_Tips_for_Effective_Eactivism.pdf : Amnesty International's guide to effective e-activism


Please let me know if there are any great resources you think others should know about!

Happy Friday,

J

Don't Give Up the Fight

I pulled this from my journal - a quick note that I wrote reflecting on the political climate 3 weeks after the election of Sweet Potato Stalin*.

"It has been 3 weeks since the election in the United States that resulted in Dump's upsetting win via the electoral college. In Canada, our 'feminist' Prime Minister mourns the death of a man who gathered up homosexuals and put them to work in labour camps for re-education, and who betrayed the people who claimed to represent by lavishing in riches at the end of his life, the product of decades spent as a capitalist dictator in a country who fought for a communist revolution. While he marches in the parades, and appoints a balanced Cabinet, our prime minister remains screamingly silent on the problems faced by indigenous women in Canada, and clearly indifferent to the more than just controversial history of Fidel Castro.

Anne Kingston wrote in McCleans: 'Where doubts are growing is over a prime minister who vocally identifies as feminist without calling out and drilling down into the hard intersections and injustices that underlie gender inequality, particularly those faced by women on the margins.'

The world is a scary place right now. I don't know how to move forward."

I was scared then. I was scared because it seemed as though all hope was lost. People didn't seem to give a shit that our public figures were crapping all over the dignity of women, people of colour, indigenous communities... Three weeks after the election my news feed was weirdly empty of anything political. The odd post from a friend or colleague about the most recent ridiculous post from Cantaloupe Kaiser gave me some hope, but mostly people seemed to turn off. In some ways, I understood. Politics got scary as hell, and lots of people just couldn't handle the pressure of staying active and informed.

But today the story is a little different. Politics is still scary as hell. But my hope is coming back. Yesterday, Black Bloc tore up the streets in protest. Today women - and many others! - march on Washington. Hundreds of thousands of people are in Washington, while across the globe hundreds of solidarity marches are being undertaken - from Tokyo to Toronto - people are standing up and demanding that women, people with disabilities, people of colour, the young, the old, the educated, and the under-educated and underemployed, religious minorities,  LGBTQ2+ people, be treated equitably (not just equally) under the law, and through social and economic programs.

Today I am hopeful, and I am letting myself get caught up in that hope. I am not allowing my usual negative, 'realist' thoughts overpower the power I see in the people. No matter what Tangerine Drumpf does during his presidency, I know that people will hold him accountable. People will not stop protesting, marching - whether peacefully, or via more violent, riotous means. He will be held accountable.

But the inauguration of the POS-OTUS (peace of shit of the United States) has - same may say, rightly - distracted Canadians from the problematic circumstances women, people of colour, and especially indigenous people continue to face in Canada. The Kremlin Carrot is not worth our attention if it means that we will not also hold our own government to account. Trudeau - since taking his place as the head of our government - has approved a $6.8 billion Trans Mountain oil pipeline from Edmonton to Burnaby. He has spoken sweet, moving words about the position of First Nations people in Canada, yet still lack of funding has led to yet another outbreak of suicide pacts among young people living in rural reservation communities. He promised to pull us out of active bombing of Iran - and yet he has openly stated that he is willing to keep support aircraft in play. He has promised to invest in education - especially for First Nations people. And yet now his government is more than $10 billion deeper in deficit than he promised - and the social programs that this country so badly needs are likely going to be swept under the carpet. 

We need to fight. We need to speak up. Not just today. 

We need to stand up for ourselves, for the underrepresented, and over, in the United States, across the globe, and in our own 'back yard'. Don't let today be the only day to read the ("real") news. Don't let today be the only day you march - whether you are marching literally, or marching with your words, typed, signed, or spoken. Don't let today be the only day that you are angry. Don't let today be the only day that you have hope for a future where your body, your identity, your ethnicity, your religion, your family, you skin colour, your genitals, your feelings, will be respected. 

Don't give up the fight. 

J

*Taking inspiration from some amazing nasty women, I have taken an oath not to help the Coral Cretin 'trend'. I will call him, instead, the Titian Twit, He Who Shall Not Be Named (but should be very ashamed), Carrot Craphead, Donny the Dump...but never POTUS.

Wrapping up 2016

This year was kind of scary and traumatic. But it was also pretty amazing. Here are some of my highlights:

This year, I married the love of my life!

This year, I got my Master's Degree and wrote a 100 page thesis, made a new cat friend,

and I added to my book collection!

This year, I spent time with people I love and made memories to last a lifetime!

This year wasn't a bad year. It was scary. I lost some animal friends, and some human ones, politics got scary, and lots of artists and celebrities died. 

But so much good happened as well. On top of all the stuff I posted above, there is just so much more! My step-dad was given a clean bill of health after battling cancer for nearly three years. My beautiful sister got engaged and asked me to be her matron of honour. My other sister seems to have found her calling and has started making the most beautiful crafts! My mom is the happiest I've ever seen her. My sister and her husband, and their two beautiful kids have adjusted to a new town and their new school. My grandmother got a new nurse who is helping my family care for her as her Alzheimer's progresses. My husband started college and is doing very well. Speaking of VOMD, he and I not only got married, but we decided to pursue foster parenting! 

And in the world: the liberals beat the racism of the Conservatives under Harper; women rocked the hell out of the summer Olympics; Gay Marriage celebrated a 1 year anniversary in the United States; Leo got his Oscar (and produced an awesome documentary that might help our planet!); Gilmore Girls had a reunion; Scientists found the ALS gene; protesters in cooperation with military servicemen effectively stopped the DAPL pipeline, at least temporarily; Bernie Sanders inspired a shit ton of youth in America to get involved in politics like never before...

So much good shit.

I loved this year. It was by far the best year of my life.

Happy New Year, my friends. 

Love, 

J

Trying to get Preggers (and not succeeding)

This morning I opened my Facebook account and began to scroll through the list of popular, 'chosen just for me' notifications on my feed. The first was a picture of my friend and her less-than-a-week-old baby, all wrinkly and gleaming. The second was a pregnancy announcement from another friend who I don't know too well. The third was a picture of my best friend's beautiful little girl. And the fourth, thank god, was a funny video of a squirrel. I stopped scrolling after that, just in case.

I guess I should explain why it is that I didn't want to go any further. VOMD and I haven't shared this with many people, but for two years now we have been trying to conceive. In that time my best friend has gotten pregnant and had a baby - without 'trying'- and about 12 other people I count as friends or close acquaintances have gotten pregnant or had babies as well. I feel as though every day I wake up to find out someone else is expecting. I know that's not actually the case... but that is how it feels.

I work part time as a baker and cook at an awesome little coffee shop here in Hamilton. I love the job, and my coworkers a lot, but the one thing that bums me out is the number of pregnant women, and young families with smiling, rosy cheeked, shrieking, and giggling babies frequent the place. That sounds kind of selfish; I know. Looking at their tiny beaming facing, and their parents' loving, doting smiles, should fill me with joy. I should be happy for these families. But every time I see them I get a little bit sad, and a little bit bitter.

The same can be said for when I speak to my friends and family who have young children. I have these amazing mom friends who define themselves by their parenthood. They LOVE it. Its all they talk about. And I totally get it - because if I had a kid I would never shut up about them - but at the same time, every time one of my friends says something about how they are kind to others because they are a mom, or they work hard because they have a family to support, or that they don't know how they would ever live without their kids... I fall apart a little.

We haven't told many people that we are trying to conceive, mostly because when I speak to my family and close friends about it they say things like: "when you stop trying, that's when it's going to happen;" or "when it's the right time, it will happen." I know they are trying to be sweet, and encouraging, but hearing these things makes me want to rip my hair out! What does that even mean, 'when it's the right time"? Does that mean that it's been the right time for every person whose ever gotten pregnant? And if so, what makes this time so wrong for me? As for the myth that trying to conceive makes it less likely that you will - who made up this lie? And how is it, exactly, that I can decide to not try? Does that mean if I stop having regular intercourse, and stop paying attention to ovulation, I will immaculately conceive? Wouldn't that be a fun trick of science?

When you are trying to conceive - and not succeeding - it seems like a huge joke. You ask yourself "why me?" You try to figure out if there is something you should be doing differently - you take more vitamins, drink less coffee, exercise. But then you see your friends who eat crap and drink coffee, and smoke, and never exercise getting pregnant, and you give up. Because what's the point, right? But then, a few months later you realize that's silly and you start over again. It's a pretty shitty cycle. But you keep going, because you want to be like your friends who define themselves by their parenthood.

http://christmas-images.clipartonline.net/cartoon-characters-page-1

VOMD and I have started the process to become foster parents. We have so much love to give, and more than enough to provide a loving, safe, and comfortable home for children who need us. We are not doing this because we have given up on having biological children, nor are we doing it to be superheros or saints. We are doing it because we know we will be good parents. This is the way we are planning to be a family right now. Unfortunately, this is not a legitimate way to start a family for many people - mostly people who were/are able to start a family the legitimate way. Of the few people we have told so far, most have been supportive - I have the best mom and sisters ever! - but a couple have asked, "do you think it's the right time?" Again, that time thing again - as though there is ever a time that is perfect to welcome a new member into your family... And even more brutally, a couple have asked, "are you still going to have your own kids?" And that hurts so bad. And it hurts in a way that they will likely never understand, because they have their own kids.

I just wanted to share this, because as the holidays get underway, I am overwhelmed by my desire to share my traditions with a child, and create new ones. I don't want to sounds like a whiner, nor do I want anyone's pity. But I see my friends hanging tiny stockings, and reading How the Grinch Stole Christmas to their kids, and I am jealous, and I kind of want others to know how hard it is when you want nothing more than to be a parent, and it seems like everyone around you is becoming one.

Happy (?) Holidays,


J

Lefty humour

I have a class with an older white male professor who casually uses the word 'retarded' to describe ridiculous situations. I'm not sure why he uses this language, but it seems flippant, and without thought.

Often people on the left - particularly in academia - think that their humour, their irony, and their lack of concern with politically correct language is subversive. Perhaps this is because in academic circles it often is. Language is a powerful tool in both academia and the social realm but its specific uses have very different implications in these two worlds.

Words like genderfuck, land rape, sissy-boy ...etc disrupt dominant discourses in academia by make the reader purposefully uneasy. In a non-academic context, however, they can trigger deep emotional reactions, and can even give people the opposite reaction. This language can reaffirm the status quo.

This is a similar problem to the humour/comedy issue, with which I am sure you're acquainted. We've all been there... we're watching a comedy special on television and the comedian does impressions of people from diverse cultural/ethnic backgrounds. His impressions (because, let's be honest, it is normally a man) usually draw on problematic stereotypes. And here we are, white, middle (ish) class folks, laughing our asses off. We laugh because first, we are uncomfortable, second, we know that these stereotypes are false, and third, because we see the comedian drawing attention not only to the stereotypes, but highlighting how regular people often don't question the implications of these stereotypes. When a comedian says something outrageous about women, I am often laughing along. But now and then, the statements become more nuanced, less outrageous, less discernible from a real statement of the comedian's beliefs, and that is when I, and others like me, get uncomfortable.

The problem is that in every day conversations, most jokes of this nature is more nuanced, and less discernible from the teller's true beliefs. We are not being subversive by telling our wives that they belong in the kitchen, and we are not be subversive by drawing attention to our Jewish friends' noses or spending habits, and we are not being subversive by comparing a Black athlete to a gorilla. We are being sexist, xenophobic, and racist. This does not mean that we believe the things we are saying. It's just that our jokes are indiscernible from our actual beliefs.

On the other hand, if my husband tells me he wants me barefoot, pregnant, and scrubbing the floor on all fours, while breastfeeding and forfeiting my right to vote, I know that he is joking. But it is only in the context of our actual lives, in our own home, between the two of us, that this joke is understood as a joke. Online, where the world can see this 'joke' and does not understand the context in which it was originally spoken.

So, when my professor uses the word retarded to describe a frustrating or difficult concept, because I do not know him personally, this is problematic. When my neighbor calls the gay boy down the street a sissy boy in jest, because I do not know him personalty, I assume that he is saying it not in the subversive, empowering way that some queer folk may use the term, but rather I assume he is being deprecating.

And I hope that others on the left (or near the left) come to understand that just because you  meant it  in a certain way, does not mean that it is perceived in that way.

Here is an anecdote for you:

When VOMD and I were first dating I once told him to get the fuck out of my kitchen. I was clearly saying it jokingly, but it was clear only to me. We ended up having an argument, during which I came to realize that because we did not know each other well, and because of our own emotional baggage, this dismissive, abrasive language was taken as aggression, rather than a joke. I defended myself at first, and I continue to do it in this relationship. When I say something in jest that hurts VOMD's feelings, or makes him angry, I say "sorry, but I was just joking". What I should say is "sorry, that joke was not funny, and I should remember to take your feelings into consideration when I am speaking to you."

The lesson to be learned from my experience, within the intimacy of my marriage, is that when speaking with a complete stranger, "I was just joking" is not an excuse to hurt someone's feelings.

There are ways to fight for social justice without insulting already disenfranchised folks. Why is it that so few comedians do impressions of upper/middle class white folks? Where are all the jokes about WASP men? Why is your Black/Jewish/Woman joke the only way that you feel you can draw attention to racism and gender inequality?

Stop defending your poor use of language against the people that this language hurts.

The politics of fear; and harnessing fear in the fight against Trump (and racist, sexist patriarchy, more generally)

I don't know who said it, but there is a popular (ish) saying that goes: "Fear is a powerful motivator."

This is very clearly the case. Fear motivates us to hold our children, family, and friends close. It motivates us to save our money for a rainy day, to give our animal and human family members vaccinations to protect them from diseases...

But it can also motivate more dangerous emotions. When faced with someone or something that we do not understand we often immediately fear...and when we are unable to get beyond our fear to a proper understanding of the other, we are lead to hate. Fear can make us to hate. And hate is terrifyingly more powerful than fear.

I'm not saying that we should not hate. There are many things - mostly ideas or actions - that we should continue to hate. I hate racism, sexism, Islamaphobia, speciesism, violence, gender norms, homophobia...

In my fear for those who are victimized by Trump and his supporters, I became angry and hateful towards all those who voted for Trump, or who supported the Conservative party in Canada's most recent election.  In my anger I decided to hate...not just ideas, and actions...but people..often ignorant, uneducated people who may not understand the implications of their support for Trump of Harper. During the past week I have seen others take this turn. The world that I know has erupted into a mess of shit slinging in all directions, from the left and the right. People are terrified, and the mass media and social media are allowing for this fear to descend into anger, resentment, and violence (verbal and physical) in a way that I have never experienced. I was too young to give a shit when Al Gore lost to GW Bush, but I know that there was probably similar outrage.

And some of us are hurting each other, and losing sight of the big picture in our terror.

This past week I have seen images depicting violence against visible minorities and women in the name of Donald Trump. I have seen young people cry trying to understand why our world is such a shitty place.

I can imagine that this week is just the beginning. Judging by my conversations with friends, family, and strangers, the fear is very real. And very powerful.

But it is not entirely unproductive.

Women across North America are organizing and harnessing their terror and demonstrating against the the fear turned hate of the radical right. Sons and daughters of immigrants are joining together with queer and trans folks to take a stand against the violence being perpetrated against them. Where the radical white right wing fear of the other has led them to hate those who they see as invaders, the invaders - feminists, people from diverse backgrounds, LGBTQ+++ folks - are taking an opposing, though not opposite approach. They/we fear the hate, and as such we hate the hate, and we are harnessing our collective otherness to fight it.

How are we/can we continue to do this? How can you get involved?

Consider these options (some of these are taken from a Facebook post by some women on the left who are committed to the fight against Trump):

1) Donate to the following organizations:
American Civil Liberties Union
https://www.aclu.org/

Planned Parenthood
https://www.plannedparenthood.org

Sea Sheppherd

http://seashepherdlegal.org/

20 Feminist Organizations
http://www.diversitybestpractices.com/…/20-womens-organizat…

2) Learn how to practice compassion and model it for your kids

http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/…/how_to_turn_brain_anger_c…
https://zenhabits.net/a-guide-to-cultivating-compassion-in…/

http://ccare.stanford.edu/…/about…/why-cultivate-compassion/

3) Write An Op-Ed For Your Local Newspaper
http://newsoffice.duke.edu/duke_resources/oped.html <--- teaches you HOW to write an Op-Ed

4) Have an impact on the economy by boycotting big businesses, and in particular those owned by Trump and his buddies.

http://www.investopedia.com/updates/donald-trump-companies/

5) It might sound vague, but 

CHOOSE LOVE; 

CHOOSE COMPASSION; 

CHOOSE PEACE; 

CHOOSE TO ELEVATE THE VOICES OF THE MARGINALIZED;

CHOOSE TO USE WHATEVER PRIVILEGE YOU HAVE IN SERVICE OF EQUITY AND INCLUSION

In solidarity, and with love,

-J

The aftermath

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that we were so cocky. I'm sorry it took too long for us to take Trump seriously. I'm sorry that a sexual predator, child rapist, and woman beater is the President Elect of the United States.

I'm sorry for my queer, trans, and visible minority friends in the United States (and everywhere else). I know that many of you, and your family and friends, are in the streets right now. I am proud that you are fighting this. But I am also scared for you.

I can't do much from over here. But what I can do is take a stand with my dollars.

I will no longer purchase American made goods from which Dronald Trumpet profits.

I don't know what else to do, or to say.

Stay strong. Keep fighting. Demand change.

American Election 2016

Tonight we will know for sure who will run America for the next four years. I have a few thoughts on that, though they are not all entirely connected.

I suppose some of us might feel like we already know who has won. The choice is clear to us. Either a politician who supports big business and capitalist enterprises that disenfranchise the third world, and perpetuate systemic inequality in North America and beyond, or a business man who does exactly that, but is also probably a rapist and a child sex offender. If given the choice myself, I would of course stand with the victims of violence.

At the same time, it is troubling that numerous republican commentators and outspoken advocates for Mitt Romney, and George Bush before him, are now proud supporters of Hillary Clinton. It is only right that we will recognize the inhumanity of the alternative option, but is it not telling that Clinton is so far from left that the right embraces her as their candidate as well? I'm not saying vote for a third party candidate this election... Unfortunately we all know how that might end up. But I am saying that we should be concerned that both candidates in this election are essentially republican, even if one is dressed in democrat's clothing. That said, I hope that a woman beats a woman beater this time around...

But, whoever wins the election, it is clear that this year, the white, upper capitalist class, patriarchy won this year. And they keep on winning. It doesn't matter what face they wear, they have still won. And they win because every four years we become suddenly interested in politics, while the rest of the time we sit silently as rich white men make decisions that affect the whole world. This is not only true of the United States. Canada is equally implicated in this phenomenon.

There are a number of brilliant, outraged, and passionate people who continue to rage against the machine year long, term long, never ceasing. But there are too few. There are too few of us who write letters to our government, who make phone calls, who stand on the streets, who protest, who break things that need breaking and fix things that need to be fixed.

We should, perhaps, take the water protector's example and see that politics is bigger than an election. It is about the real lives of people and peoples. It is about the way that we live together, among ourselves and with the land.

I don't know what more to say.

If you are in America, and you are scared about the outcome of this election, know that, for what it's worth, I, and many others here in Canada and elsewhere in the world, stand with you.

Being Married

So, VOMD and I have been married for precisely 30 days, and I have to say that we are officially marriage experts who have it ALL figured out...

Maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration.

There is this myth that the media shows us that marriage is the happily ever after, the end of the line, the happy ending, the conclusion. But once you get married you quickly begin to realize that marriage is just the beginning of a whole new story that comes with its own trials and tribulations. VOMD and I are working to become better partners, more supportive of one another, more open to each other's views and opinions, and hopes and dreams. But being married didn't magically make us experts.

So, here are some lessons that I've learned since getting married.

1. Things that you (or your partner) did to one another before you were married, and things that you said will be excused by the statement "yeah, but we weren't married yet back then". This can be very frustrating on the receiving end.

2. You will not suddenly become comfortable with your partner's bodily functions, but they may feel like you should be and leave the door open while pooping in the morning or suggest that you pee while they brush their teeth.

3. You will not stop fighting, but half way through a fight it will not be uncommon to start thinking to yourself why the hell are we fighting? this is so stupid...I should just say sorry....we're married after all.. That being said, thinking that and actually saying it and ending the fight are two different stories.

4. The things that you got as wedding gifts may become sacred objects...and putting those nice shiny forks and knives in the dishwasher, or leaving the coffee grinds in the coffee pot become taboo.

5. Conversations about the future stop being magical and become pragmatic - you can no longer casually suggest that you may want to live on the other side of the world for a year without expecting a long and drawn out discussion of the implications and practicability of that proposition.

6. Really mundane things like watching your partner cook, clean or cuddle your animal friends become incredibly sexy in a way they never were before. Perhaps this is because your biological clock is ticking and you link these activities with their potential ability to be a good parent...

7. EVERYONE will begin asking you when you're going to have babies. Even if you want babies, like VOMD and I, it can become incredibly frustrating.


Altogether, being married has so far been a great experience. I love VOMD more with every day, and in totally new and unexpected ways. I am learning to love the things about him that I would have liked to change before we got married - like his insistence on taking his pants off in the hallway, or his unwillingness to put the toilet seat down because, in his words "it's not my responsibility to make sure you don't fall in the toilet when you get up to pee in the middle of the night"!

Happy Monday,

J

Why I don't mind that my husband is not a feminist

The problem with being a feminist is that everyone seems to have an opinion about what being a feminist entails. When a contemporary feminist icon like Nikki Minaj tries to distances herself from feminism, while maintaining that she is a “woman who wants other women to be bosses and to be strong and to be go-getters,” feminism becomes murky water indeed.  Groups like Women Against Men claiming that feminism is a hate group, an idea that unfortunately permeates much of society, doesn’t help either.

An article in the Huff last year, by Hannah McAtenmey, claims “There is no sitting on the fence. You are either a feminist or sexist.” This is a such an unfortunate perspective because it potentially alienates a large proportion of people, who will likely never call themselves feminists, yet are strong advocates for the rights of women. I’m no coward, but I do believe that you can be a feminist in some circles and an advocate of equality in others. And I also believe that being a non-feminist does not make you a sexist. There are very legitimate reasons to take issue with feminism - particularly the white middle class feminism for which people like McAtenmey advocate.

When I first met my husband we had some very complicated discussions about the concept of feminism. He asked me “if it really is about equality of the sexes, why is is called feminism?” His question would have been a very good one, were we not living  in a society that is still struggling to overcome the historical baggage of female subjugation, and were we not living in a society where men and women are still so far from being equal. Recently he mentioned to me that he learned that the wage gap between men and women is a startling 27%. This is not so startling to a woman in academia, who is constantly struggling for legitimacy among her largely male colleagues, but being a man who has worked in the trades for most of his life, where most people start off with the same wage, and female applicants are uncommon, women and men making different rates for the same work never crossed his mind. Now he is heading into a degree in computer game development, and he is for the first time being faced with questions of inequity and inequality in the workplace and in academics. This is how feminists are made. But it is very unlikely that my husband will ever call himself a feminist. Like Minaj says, some words just “box you in”, and try as I might, I will probably never convince my husband to embrace the term. But the concepts, those are easy to grasp once you do some research, and once you give the facts some genuine thought.  

I do not wish to distance myself from feminism, and in fact will continue to proudly associate myself with a movement that seeks equality for all people, regardless of gender, ethnicity, and class. But as an intersectional feminist I have begun to recognize that the term feminism may also carry with it a lot of cultural baggage from the Western World, and there are many strong female writers from across the globe who decline to associate themselves with feminism largely because they feel the term erases their particular struggles.  

For example, Nigerian writer Buchi Emecheta says: “I will not be called a feminist...because it is European. It is as simple as that… I do believe in the African type of feminism. They call is womanism…” What Emecheta is trying to explain is that Western Europeans and North Americans do not share the same experiences of women from Africa. Our experiences are not universal, so the words that we use to describe our struggles may not be universal either.

As Western feminists we can have a tendency to think our values are universal. We can get bogged down in our own experience of the world. Whether we do this by claiming that any person who is not a feminist is a sexist, or by insisting that women in Africa care about the same struggles as us, we are creating a situation that alienates our potential allies.

Does it weaken the movement that a large proportion of the ‘feministic’ population will likely never call themselves feminists? I don’t think so. Whether you call yourself a feminist or not, if you believe that women should be raised up in our society, and that there are certain accommodations that women deserve based on their sex in order to level the playing field of business, academics, politics etc. then your position is a feminist one. I don’t mind that my husband isn’t a feminist, because I recognize that my understanding of feminism is not universal.

Getting married!

When I first met VOMD he told me that he would never get married. If he did, it would not be with a ceremony and signing papers and matching wedding bands. I liked the idea of marriage; I'm not too hot on the religious aspects, but the idea of binding yourself to someone in front of your friends and families, and signing your name next to theirs in a big book full of other people who also bound themselves to their partners seemed romantic.

Here we are a little more than 2 years later and we are 32 days out from our wedding day with the ceremony and the signing papers, and guess what...we even have matching wedding bands. And I don't think that either of us could imagine it any other way.

All that said, though, there is a part of me who has been thinking about what marriage means, and then this other part of me is worrying that I am thinking too much about what marriage means. Because, really, who gives a shit what marriage means to anyone else? To me it means committing to spend the rest of my life with the most fun, kind, passionate and wonderful man I have ever met

But it does matter what it means to everyone else. An amazing, intelligent and insightful friend told me this weekend that she, while she is married, refuses to be addressed as Mrs. I had never considered the significance of the concept of Mrs. She explained what the concept of Mrs. implies. You are a Miss. You are unmarried, and potentially threatening to married women as a potential target for some philandering man. As a Miss you belong to your parents. As a Mrs. you belong to your husband.

Boys and men are all Mister, because they belong to themselves.

Connected to this disturbing realization is my discomfort with the more traditional aspects of the wedding ceremony we are about to take part in. My father will walk me down the aisle and give me away. VOMD will receive me. The implication of my beautiful engagement ring, and the wedding band which matches is, is that it demonstrates that I am soon to belong to him. I wear it on a specific finger so that others can see that I am not available for courtship. Did you know that the Romans used wedding rings to denote ownership? I guess we still sort of do that.

More than this, though, is the realization that to our more traditional family members marriage means that we are about to be bound in "holy"matrimony, and that I will be bound to VOMD to honor and obey him until one of us dies. To them, we will no longer be living in sin. To them, we will be allowed to have children, because it will finally be acceptable for us to have sex.

To us, it means we get to share our commitment to each other with one another and our loved ones.

But it comes with lots of baggage.

Activism and Academia

Before I wrapped up my classes for the semester I had a conversation with one of my students who was considering leaving university. He explained that he felt disenchanted by the academic process, and would rather direct his energies towards activism and direct political action.

This is a struggle for many social-justice motivated people who like myself have found themselves in the academic world.

This year has so far been a tumultuous one for the global LGBTQ+ community. The tragedy which took place in Orlando struck a chord with those of us who identify with the struggle for gender and sexual identity in a world that often rejects those who do not easily conform to heteronormative male/female societal standards. And it has struck a chord with me as someone who has begun to build a career for myself by reflecting on and theorizing about the gender binary and its implications for trans and queer people. Last week I defendes my thesis and I had to stand up in front of my committee and my colleagues to speak about something that seems never to have been more pressing than it is right now - the tragedy and violence that exists within exclusionary spaces.

The horror of the situation, beyond the absolute depravity of the monster who committed then mass murders in Orlando on Sunday, is that as a culture we are continuously allowing this type of atrocity to take place. When we silence queer and trans voices on our university campuses, when we ignore requests from queer and trans students for safe and accessible spaces, we are letting these atrocities happen.

This week I am overjoyed that my MA is finally over, but I am horrified that my success this year is largely a result of the pain and misery of so many people.

I don't know how to reconcile the excitement I feel about my future in academics with my agreement with my past student whose frustration with the ineffectuality of academics, which is reinforced every time I read the news, and every time I read and reread my now complete thesis.

-J

Monday Happies: April 11th 2016

Today is a good day. I've finally completed the first draft of my thesis (minus my conclusion)! I'm basically doing back flips here!

Also, VOMD and I found an adorable cat who is the sweetest, most cuddly dude we've ever met (notwithstanding our current cuddly buddies, of course). We've taken him to the vet and he is not neutered or chipped. So, if nobody calls or emails us to claim him within the next week, he's ours for keeps.

Taking in another furry friend is something I didn't expect to do so soon after losing Toojoh. But, this guy showed up at our doorstep - actually, at our kitchen window - and VOMD immediately fell in love. He's a crazy cat lady at heart.

George and Lego are not too happy to have a new dude in the house. His un-neutered maleness is a lot to handle, I guess. He's in my office for now and has only come out twice. (Both times he's marked.)

If he is not claimed in the next week we are going to take him to get neutered, which should stop the marking behaviour and make the other cats less crazy. Also, he seems like the kind of cat who will likely run outside whenever he has the chance... so neutering it is.


This week I am working on being more positive, more active, and more open.

So far, so good.

Happy Monday!

-J

The [imaginary] hierarchy of injustice

I am nearing the end of my MA thesis, and beginning to daydream about my PhD, which will likely focus on cultural studies rather than political science. I hope to look at the way media produces and reproduces masculinities. If I mention this to a certain type of person they immediately go on that classic tirade anyone interested in gender or animal issues has heard far too many times before. There are people dying in the world; what about homeless people?; so what if people can't access washrooms?; so what if children are placed into narrow categories; there are worse things in the world than having to be a girl or a boy. 

The same sort of rant tends to come our of the mouths of people who don't want our tax dollars directed towards refugees because we should take care of Canada first. Of course this is usually the same person who refuses to acknowledge their settler privilege, and that they owe their lives to the bloodshed and continued colonization and erasure of indigenous peoples and ways of life.

As people interested in social justice we've probably all considered these things ourselves. I know I have. Last Friday night, during a long and fruitful conversation with VOMD, I admitted that sometimes I feel like all the work I'm putting into my thesis is pointless, and even my social activism, and my work for animals, are just bandaid solutions to a problem of inequity and systemic injustice that is so deep it will take a revolution to fix (uh oh, my communist is showing!). I worried that I should be focusing on something more immediate. I considered leaving the education system altogether to pursue activist work, and to remove myself from a system that has been largely co-opted by capitalist ideals. I ask myself those same questions that the conservative on a tirade asked "What about the homeless? What about people dying?"

We tend to create this hierarchy of injustice in our society... homelessness comes before refugees; sexism comes before bigenderism; access to housing comes before access to washrooms, and so on and so forth. But why can't we just see that all injustice is bad and that as individuals we must choose where to direct our attentions to maximize our effectiveness as scholars and as activists? Yes, I care that many people in Canada are homeless, and yes I care that people on many First Nation reserves do not have proper water, and access to healthcare, and adequate housing, and yes I care deeply that sex-slavery still exists all over the world and that the environment is degrading by the hour and that women still get paid less than men and that Jian Ghomeshi won his court case and that children are body shamed in grade school....

But for now, I am going to finish my thesis. I am going to argue that there is a problem with the strict adherence to a binary gender system that demands individuals fit within narrow categories of what it means to be a man and a woman. I am going to argue that the abuse and violence that takes place within public washrooms against non-binary and trans individuals must be addressed immediately, and in the right way, to ensure meaningful and consistent participation of all people in the public sphere, and especially in higher education in Canada. And I am going to recognize my place of privilege as a cisgendered white woman. And in my private life I will fight for non-human rights and I will rescue animals and I will continue to eat and live vegan.

And I will keep caring about all the other injustices in the world. But I am just one person. And you are just one person too. So, don't let someone tell you that your work doesn't matter because there may be something more pressing you could be addressing. Commit your heart and your mind and your life to your work. Do something.

Happy Wednesday,

J