Showing posts with label Feminism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Feminism. Show all posts

Thursday, March 16, 2017

What makes a woman?

*I want to preface this by saying that I do not claim to speak for all women, whether cis or trans or otherwise. This is a reflection on recent debates, discussions, and arguments that have taken place in academia and in the western world at large of late. The thoughts here are not fully formulated, particularly with regard the problem of science/biology as marker for legitimacy.*


Gina Rippon, a neuroscientist, among numerous other thinkers, scientists, doctors, and researchers, make the argument that the male and the female brain are indistinguishable.
Image result for male brain female brain
https://debuk.files.wordpress.com/2015/12/female-brain-male-brain.jpg
Yeah, believe it or not, this image is not accurate! 


While some research suggests that women may be less suited to spatial reasoning tasks, and men less suited to hearing high pitched noises, and multitasking, there is a growing body of evidence that suggests that these are learned and enculturated traits, not innate ones. Those of you who know me, know that I wrote my MA thesis on the problem of public washroom access for nonbinary folks - and the problems with the gender binary as understood by feminists more generally - and a lot of that work drew on Judith Butler, and before her, Simone de Beauvoir, both of whom argue that women are not born women, but rather become women --- though notably Butler's work is much more nuanced.

At the same time, there are some new radical accounts by trans activists and writers who write about being born in the wrong body - the claim being that one is, in fact, born a woman... that one is born with a certain brain, a certain personality, that is inherently 'woman'. And I see this as entirely valid as well. A few years ago there was a conference that Judith Butler attended where a trans woman stoof in front of a room full of feminists and gave a performance of a spoken word poem, at the end of which she exclaimed "fuck you, Judith Butler" (see Transforming Community Conference). This sentiment often stems from the interpretation of Butler's performativity, which is often misread as performance. Gender performance makes gender expression look like drag. Gender performativity, on the other hand, is more complex, and has to do with the sociality of gender as it is developed, solidified, negotiated, and so forth in our social and political contexts. Problematically, though, Butler's work and words have been used by trans-exclusionary radical feminists over the last decade or so to make arguments that exclude trans women from feminist politics, and which refuse to acknowledge the experiences of trans women as legitimate. This has been the impetus for the increase in biological arguments for being born a woman on both sides of the spectrum, with the trans-exclusionary folks arguing that if you are born with a vagina you are a woman and therefore can legitimately make claims to women's spaces and experiences, and on the other side some trans activists have made the claim that trans women are born women as a result of being born in the wrong body - that there is some biological, neurological differences that make them inherently women.

I think both of these arguments are harmful, and are skirting the key issue, which is that the gender binary is problematic to its core and demands of us that we fit, neatly, securely, within its narrow boundaries. It demands that we choose sides. And, given gender's historical relationship to sex in the western world, it demands that we make claims to our identities that are grounded in science, traditional notions of rationality, and biologicality. In doing what the binary demands, in making the arguments "I'm born a woman because I have a vagina" or "I'm born a woman because I have a female brain" we are playing into the trap, inadvertently reaffirming the thing which have for centuries kept us servile. It is deeply problematic that we must revert to biology for legitimacy. As so many feminists, people of colour, LGB, trans, and queer folks have been crying out for ages when (primarily white male activists or scholars seek to prove the existence of injustices, wrong-doings, etc. using science and statistics) "why can't you just trust my experience?!  Why must you prove these injustices?! Why is what I say not enough?!"

I was not born a woman. My vagina made the world treat me in a certain way, which likely had an impact on the behaviour I exhibit. And there are likely biological reasons that I cry more often than I yell, but the world decided that I was a woman, not me. It looks at me, my long hair, my breasts, my emotional demeanor, my clothing choices, my academic interests, and it says to me "that's what a a woman does".  As Beauvoir argued half of a century ago, the title of woman has frequently been used to keep those born with certain traits (physical and otherwise) within a confined box of expected actions, attitudes, and behaviours. As Butler argued half a century later, the binary itself - male/female, girl/boy, man/woman, is prescriptive more than it is descriptive. It tells not only women, but all of us, that in order to be legitimate we must not only behave in a certain way, but have certain body parts that line up with those prescribed behaviours.

There is nothing wrong with someone making a claim to womanhood on the grounds of their born identity, nor is there are  problem with making a claim to womanhood on the grounds of physical traits, nor is there a a problem with someone making a claim to womanhood on the grounds of discomfort/detachment/frustration with the gender prescribed upon them by birth. There seems to be, though, a problem with the use of biology as the determinant for legitimacy. You are a legitimate woman if you feel like a woman. Full stop. It doesn't matter what got you to that place - whether you were born that way, whether culture made you that way, whatever. You are legitimate. All women are legitimate. Trans women are legitimate women. All humans are legitimate. And someone having access to womanhood does not diminish your legitimacy as a woman. Inclusion or exclusion from feminist politics, or womanhood more generally, on the grounds of biological differences is counterproductive to the project I hope we all see as legitimate - calling into question, and tearing down, the patriarchal structures of the majority of the Western world which paint women, non-binary, LGBT, queer, and other non-conforming folks as other, as less-than, as not enough.



Thursday, November 12, 2015

This is a post about the word NO (Consent is sexy)

*Warning: this post is about sex and has mature subject matter that may not be suitable or enjoyable for some people*

A friend sent me a video yesterday that aims to teach people about the concept of consent. It is actually a super brilliant video. It makes a kind of humorous comparison between offering someone tea and offering someone sex. Watch it, if you haven't already.

It is so important that people really grasp the concept of consent. It is not conceptual; it is not negotiable. Yes is yes and no is no. Also, no yes is also no. A yes then a no is also a no. Silence is no. A pressured yes is a no.


I think we all sort of get the concept of consent as it relates to casual sexual relationships...or at least we find it easier to understand. But what so many people still struggle with is the concept of consent in a long term monogamous relationship. 

Let me just start by saying this: It is NOT your responsibility or duty to fulfill your partner's sexual desires. You do NOT have to have sex with your partner if you do not feel like having sex. You do NOT have to do anything sexually with your partner that makes you feel uncomfortable, unsafe, or unhappy.

It is completely absurd that in a regular relationship intimate partners are often expected to continue to have the same sexual interests throughout their entire relationship...and if they don't, they  are expected to fake it. If early in the relationship I'm really into kink and all I want to be tied up, and if I want you to spank me and maybe choke me a bit, if later on I decide that I actually like soft, vanilla, missionary sex more, then I'm being unfair. If in the beginning I tell my partner that I like sex in the morning because it wakes me up and makes me feel energized, then later on I decide that I don't want to have sex in the morning because I'm tired and don't feel well, and stayed up late the night before, or whatever the reason may be, I shouldn't have to hear you say "but you used to like this". 

In the beginning of a relationship sex is often a central theme. You have sex multiple times a day, and are late for meetings and social events because sex is more fun than a night out with friends. But as you are with someone longer, sometimes sex is no longer a priority. If this is the case for one partner and not the other, sometimes one partner will make the other feel shitty about not wanting to have sex: "but I have needs and you are supposed to fulfill them". Sometimes the partner who doesn't want sex will give in and will have sex with their partner even though they don't want to. They will feel pressured, and worry that the other person won't love them anymore if they do not fulfill this apparent "duty". 

But please remember, you do not have to fake it. If you want to fake it, and it makes you happy to fake it, and you do not feel uncomfortable or unhappy faking it, and you have not been pressured or manipulated into faking it, then fine. You always have a choice. But you do not have to and should not be expected to. If you are uncomfortable with something your partner is doing sexually, you should not feel you can not tell them because you are afraid to turn them off or hurt their feelings. ( "If I don't want your finger in my ass, I am going to tell you. I don't care that being criticized makes you soft, it's MY ass.") 

But please know this: you do not have any responsibility to fulfill the sexual desires of your intimate partner. Sex may be a central part of your relationship, and maybe it is even the glue that holds you together, but that does not mean that you have any obligation to put out if you do not want to. If your partner is using guilt to get you to do sexual things, or if you are using guilt to get your partner to do sexual things, it is sexual assault. Submission is not consent. If you say no to your partner and they have sex with you anyway, it is rape. If you are asleep and are awoken by your partner having sex with you without your consent, it is rape. If your partner pressures you, guilts you, or threatens you and you finally give in, this is rape. It is not consent. This is true regardless of gender. 

Please have a conversation with your partner about consent. You do not have to write a formal contract or anything (but in some cases of kink and BDSM this may be a great way to protect both of your interests, and remember that even in kink, there should be a way to tell your partner you've had enough) but ask them what they think about the concept of consent in an intimate relationship. And please don't worry that consent will ruin the mood. Seriously. That makes no sense. Consent is not negotiable. It is required. Always. And in fact, it is hot as hell to know that your sexual partner cares about what you want and how and when you like to be touched. If you're getting busy work consent into your interactions before diving in. It can actually make things way more sexy! Instead of just ripping your partners clothes off, tell them you want to, and ask them if they want you to. Instead of just heading downtown without asking, say you really would like to go down on your partner, and ask them if they want you to. While you're having sex, ask your partner if they like what you are doing. Do you like that? Do you want me to go faster? Do you want me to put this in there? Do you want me to move it around a little?

C'mon. Tell me consent doesn't sound sexy now... I dare you.


Here are some (just a few, but there are seriously countless others) examples of what consent is NOT in an intimate relationship:

  1. Being "wet" or having a boner. Just because your partner is having a physiological reaction to the situation does not mean they want you to do something about it. A no with a boner is still a no. 
  2. Making out and grinding do not mean jump my bones. Your partner may want to make out with you, but that does not give you permission to have sex with them or touch them. If they tell you to not put your hand in their pants right now, then respect that. 
  3. Having had sex yesterday. You may have done it yesterday, and he/she might have liked it, but that does not mean they want it today, tomorrow, or ever again for that matter. 
  4. Having not had sex yet. You are not owed sex. Just because it's been three months or three years does not mean you get to go for it.
  5. Sleepiness. If your partner is exhausted and doesn't have the energy to push you off or say no explicitly, that does not give you permission to go for it. Consent means that both partner must be awake, aware, and in un-pressured, un-manipulated agreement. 
Sex is awesome. It can be fun and beautiful and romantic and wonderful. But it can also be scary and awkward if you feel pressured into doing something that makes you uncomfortable, or that hurts you, just because you and your partner have not had the talk. If your partner threatens you or your relationship's stability because you refuse to do something in the sack, please remember that consent and love are both about mutual respect. If you and your partner are not on the same page about what sex means to your relationship, you have another conversation to have.

from Planned Parenthood instagram

If you think that you are being sexually abused, or if you may wonder whether you have been doing sexual things to your partner that may be sexual assault, please check out this link. 

Happy Thursday, and be safe!

-J


Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Having your period should be free

Warning everyone, this wacky feminist is about to talk about...menses!

So, I don't know if you're aware of this but every single month, the average woman has this thing that happens to her body without her having any right to choose how, when or for how long it happens. It's the menstrual period and every year women spends between $4 and $15 (before tax)  a month on menstrual products like tampons, and pads to wick away this problem.  That's somewhere between $48 and  $180 dollars a year. Now, figuring that the average woman starts menstruating around 12 years old, and continues to have their period until they are  at least 45-55 (and more than 60 for some!),  that can be as much as $8640 per lifetime on feminine hygiene.

Okay, so that doesn't really seem like that much money in the long run, especially spread out throughout 40 to  50 years, but it does represent a very problematic inequality that of late people are starting to take note of.

Tampons and pads in Canada are now GST free (as of July 1st). In some ways  this is a huge victory!In others, it makes absolutely no effing sense. Fist, just throwing it out there people: I love taxes and firmly believe that if we  want to live in a better country that gives a shit about its people we have to stops thinking of "taxes" as a dirty word. We should tax everything, including groceries. This would increase government revenue and with the right leadership, lead to better public services! Second, taking away the GST on tampons is one of those things that the government can do relatively easily without risking too much moo-la. The largest portion of the population are the baby boomers, and guess what,  they aren't menstruating any more! The proportion of the population that are menstruating adult women is the smallest its been in...well, I don't know how long. But it's been a while. This is still a minor moral victory, but its not the huge victory  that we need.

But this victory did not win us the war... Yes, this saves the average woman a little bit of money, and begins to address the problem, but when it  comes down to it its a bit absurd that women have to pay for tampons at all. Canada has free healthcare for everyone, and any necessary medicine, product or procedure that cannot be done without should be funded by the government. In the same way that I can just decide  tomorrow to get an ultrasound f my hip, I should also be able to walk into any publicly funded wash-room and grab some free feminine products when I'm in need. (And for you conservative budget-minded naysayers, here's a little tip, if we stopped seeing taxes as burdens then the government could afford this no problem!)

The big problem is that we think of this as dirty talk. We're  not supposed to talk about things that come out of our vaginas, unless we're talking about a cute baby. We  are supposed to go about our days pretending that we're  not in horrible pain  from menstrual cramps, and we're supposed to pretend that we don't have to wear a diaper sized maxi pad on heavy days to avoid any accidental leakage. We're supposed to ignore the obvious discomfort it causes to get infections and allergic reactions to certain low quality feminine products that are the only ones we can afford while we're in university or taking care of our families, or working a dead end job to try to make a better life for ourselves.

Don't talk about your period. It's gross. Oh, I'm sorry, is this natural thing  that happens to me and is beyond my control offensive to you? Suck a lemon.

But we should talk about it more. We should scream it from the rooftops - if you'll excuse the cliché - and we should demand that the government fund high quality, preferably organic and chemical free, feminine hygiene products to menstruating women.

It just makes sense.

Happy Tuesday!