Living a life I'm proud of

*I do apologize for not posting as diligently as I had in the past. Things have been stressful and overwhelming. I have had to shuffle my priorities a little. I largely write this blog for myself and for my family, and given what has been happening recently, my attention has been directed more towards face to face relationships than online interactions*



What are you proud of?

I'm proud of looking good if I put a lot of effort into my appearance on a given day. I am proud of my academic grades and honours, even when I am not proud of what I've written. I'm proud of a performance at a job interview for a job that I don't actually want. I'm proud of myself for not crying in public when I see something that breaks my heart... I am proud of the things that I change about myself to make myself more appealing in our culture that tells us to: be strong; be competitive; be unique; be beautiful; be fit.

But up to this point in my life I have never seriously reflected on whether or not I am living a life that I am proud of. This year has been a wake up call for me, though. Two of my close family members have been dealing with cancer, my own health has deteriorated, and the stress of losing my thesis has made me really question my commitment to the academy. My personal relationships have suffered a great deal because of these issues. Like many people who go through stressful time I became overwhelmed a took a step back from much of my life. But now I am trying to get back on track, in terms of my health (as I have mentioned before) and in terms of my actual life.

There are many reasons to do your best to live a good, purposeful, and meaningful life. For example, I just read a little article published last year that tells us that living a life with purpose can extend our lives. Now, of course, if your intention in living a life with purpose is to extend your life...that is pretty damn problematic. But on the other hand, realizing that living a purposeful life is really the best way to live should really make you question how you are living your life now.

http://enjoylifeitisthejustone.blogspot.ca/

There is a little post spreading around the internet by the guy who founded Sevenly. He is on a vacation with his family and he tells us:

"Culture tells us to spend an entire year saving for a week to escape our life. We call it vacation. Even as I'm on this incredible road trip across the Northwest with my family, something doesn't feel right. Vacations are meant to be new, they are meant to be fun, but they are not meant to be better than your normal life. I've been all around the world, and I would never trade travel for what I have at home. Life isn't about the 50 vacations you'll take while you're on this planet. It's about the 25,000 days between them. Stop creating a life that you need a vacation from. Instead, move to where you want to live, do what you want to do, start what you want to start, and create the life you want today." (Dale Partridge)

I am guilty of this. I am guilty of dreaming of traveling far for short periods of time. I am guilty of taking what I have now for granted in my longing for what has been and what is to come. I am guilty of thinking about the future in the abstract rather than taking steps in the present to live the life that I want to live.

I am partial to making lists, as you may have noticed if you read my blog often, so I am going to create yet another. This is a list of how I am going to try to live my life hereafter.

1. I will be happy, not just on Fridays, but every day of the week. Wherever my career path takes me, I will never just slog through and deal with depression because that's "what you've got to do". I will choose joy over job security.
2. I will make being kind my life goal, rather than saving money for a house down-payment or paying down debts.
3. I will remember my reasons for being vegan - to make the world a better place for all who live on this earth human and non-human alike. It is not about being personally pure. It does not make me better than anyone else. 
4. I will put my family, my animal companions, and my friends first in everything, even when people criticize me for being a pushover. I will embrace that side of myself. I will not harden my heart. Being kind does not make me weak. 
5. I will continue to follow my passion in academia - and out of it if that is where my passion leads me. 
6. I will not occupy my mind with too many dreams about the future, nor will I dwell on the past. I will live for now. 
7. I will do my best to be flexible with my goals, my dreams, my career path, my personal deadlines, and in my interactions with others. 
8. I will not expect too much of myself or of others. I will accept myself as I am and I will accept others as they are. This does not mean, though, that I will never change - for better or worse. 
9. I will not complain about my job, my health, or my education unless I am willing to do make a change.
10. I will not search for the light at the end of the tunnel. I will take initiative, turn on a damn flashlight, and make my life good right now. 

Happy Friday! And Happy Halloween! 

-J

Steps towards whole food living and vegan mayo recipe

About a million years ago I posted that I was going to begin a whole food plant based diet to try to deal with my health issues. So far I've been pretty lackadaisical with my commitment to getting healthy. For example, VOMD and I spent $40 on vegan donuts this weekend and ate half of them before Tuesday. But a recent blood test reaffirmed that I need to get my shit together and take my health seriously. 

Yesterday I have started a new regime that eliminates wheat products (pasta, bread, etc), caffeine, and processed sugar as the first step towards finding what is causing my skin problems. I have suspected for a long time that I might have a mild sugar or gluten allergy, a theory which was reinforced by talking to a friend at the pub who explained that he had similar responses to dairy - that is, the feeling of being hungover without drinking alcohol, puffy sinuses, skin abrasions and itching, and a general feeling of complete crappiness. For breakfast yesterday I ate an insanely large bowl of brown rice noodles with broccoli and mushrooms, and for lunch I had brussels sprouts and green peppers. For my intermittent snacks throughout the day I had amazing organic grapes and for dinner I had a nice stir fry with button mushrooms, broccoli, zucchini, and sweet potatoes. Oh! and I made my own mayo for VOMD's lunchtime sandwiches! I followed this recipe...sort of. Here's what I ended up doing:

Vegan Mayo:

1 cup unsweetened organic soy milk 

2 1/4 cup grapeseed oil

1 tsp sea salt

1 tsp Redpath brown sugar

1.5 tsp ground mustard 

2.5 tsp fresh squeezed lemon juice

Blend all the ingredients except the lemon juice until it is smooth and has reached your desired consistency, then add the lemon juice slowly and keep blending until well combined and your mayo is thick, creamy, and spreadable!

This morning I still felt a little hungover but I think this is a good first step.  

Happy Thursday, folks!

-J

Monday Happies: Halloween Haunt and Voting Day!

Good morning!

Today is kind of a very important day so before I tell you about my awesome weekend I have to urge you to go to the polls (if you're Canadian and haven't done so already).

This election the stakes are very high. We are facing the prospect of four more years of Stephan Harper's Conservatives. Our international reputation is suffering, our economy is in the dumps (don't trust everything you read, my friends) and our environment is at risk because our regulations have been hack-sawed to bits. We have faced great challenges to our basic rights and freedoms, and the calling of this election interrupted an incredibly important queer and trans rights bill that was unfortunately being torn apart by a conservative senate at the behest of a small minority of Conservative petitioners. We cannot have another conservative government and if by tomorrow morning Harper is not ousted, it will be a horrible thing for our country - for our citizens at home and abroad - and, let's be honest, for the planet.

So, please vote. And please consider voting for someone other than your local Conservative Candidate.

On a lighter note, BEST WEEKEND EVER. I was supposed to hang out with a couple girlfriends who were in the same MA program as I on Saturday - they both finished earlier than I because they did comprehensive exams and a major research project instead of a thesis... the lucky ducks. But, unfortunately one of them had to cancel because she was sick, so VOMD and I had to figure out something to do with our day. Our solution was to drive to St. Catharines to buy 18 vegan donuts! We have donuts coming out of our ears.

Then, yesterday VOMD bought us tickets to go to Halloween Haunt! Holy crap it was so much fun. I went on Leviathan for the first time and nearly crapped myself because I am terrified of roller coasters, and then we spent the rest of the night going through mazes, eating French fries, and going on fun, non-terrifying rides (because fearing for my life once in one night is enough for me).

And then we shot some zombies and saved the world. No big deal.

I am so glad I am a bit of a scaredy cat because going through those mazes would have been so boring if I were brave. There was a guy ahead of us in one of the mazes who was about 6'5" and I felt so sad for him because he seemed genuinely bored. I am now incredibly stoked for Halloween and will probably be spending every night for the next two weeks watching horror movies and dreaming up ways to make my house look creepy without spending any more money. I seem to have lost almost all of my Halloween decorations. I wonder if I left them at my ex's in North Bay... but its nothing a few black plastic bags, some twine, and corn syrup with food coloring can't fix.

Happy Monday Everyone!

-J

Stressed Grad School update!

This month is incredibly hectic, but most of it has been good so far, and there is so much more good to come! VOMD and I visited my awesome vegan sister in London on the 3rd and met her awesome vegan roommates. We went home to my parents' for Thanksgiving this past weekend, and we are headed to Halloween Haunt this coming Sunday. The next week we have a vegan potluck with some cool local vegans and then it is back to London for Halloween!

Through all of this, though, there is a specter looming over me and its name is Thesis.

Seriously, though, I am ready to be done my MA. I thought that my impostor syndrome and my fear of failure would dissipate as I got closer to completion, but this has incredibly not been the case. In fact, I am now terrified that it will not be good enough and I will not graduate. The setbacks I have faced have not helped, obviously. Loosing such a huge chunk of my research right before my final semester made things far more difficult than they needed to be. Now I have wasted the last month writing my first three chapters (which is largely theory and lit review stuff) and have only a month left to complete my final two chapters to meet my first draft deadline in November, which will include all of the actual case study stuff - of which I have yet to even locate the majority.

But, by December 14 I will be done...and then defense and revisions of course.

I am feeling a little discouraged.

But this weekend is going to be amazing, so I'm putting on my happy face.

Happy Friday!

-J

A letter to my vegan sister

Hi vegan friends and friends of vegans! I read this article about how being grateful seems to have a positive impact on your mental and physical well-being. So, I decided to start saying thank you more often to some of the people in my life who make the world a better place, starting with my amazing feminist vegan sister!

Dear [Erin],

Thank you for existing. Sometimes when I am totally overwhelmed and think that I am going insane I remember that you exist and I immediately feel less alone.  I obviously love the whole family like a madman but you and I have this really unique relationship that, while it has seen its ups and downs, is one of the most amazing things in my life. The best thing about having a feminist vegan for a sister is that you challenge me in a way that other vegans and non-vegan friends just don't. When a random vegan friend criticizes me for my views and demands an explanation I feel threatened and intellectually intimidated, especially if that person has been vegan for longer than I have. Often it leads to defensiveness. The same goes for when non-vegan friends ask me about veganism. Often I get frustrated and can't formulate the right sentences to get my point across without sounding like total turd. When you challenge me I sometimes still get defensive, but somehow you see through my defensiveness to the value of what I am saying that lies beneath.

Your passion and hunger for change and social justice is an inspiration to almost everyone you meet - I say almost because some people just don't get you...but screw them. Your strong feminist values challenge me to reflect on the way I see myself and those around me and your ability to use logic and facts to intelligently defend your views is enviable because as you know, I tend more towards the get overwhelmed and leave the conversation approach to confrontation.

Your willingness to grow and change inspires me to be more open to new things and remind me that the path I am on is not only the only one available. And I am so lucky that you are there to remind me that not living up to the expectation I have for myself doesn't make me a shitty person; it just makes me human.

Having you in the family makes it so much easier to remain strong in my convictions. I love and respect the other members of the family, but sometimes it is difficult to relate to people when they are unwilling or unable to see things from your perspective.

I am so grateful for you. I just thought you should probably know.

Happy Thursday!

-J

Why I don't (and won't) hide my Veganism

This weekend I finally met one of VOMD's best friends and his lovely girlfriend in North Bay. We were all visiting some family for Thanksgiving. We went for a nice hike at Duchesnay Falls and accompanied them (and their beautiful vegetarian momma!) to Piebird B&B and Vegan Farmstay for what they were calling ThanksLiving! What a great way to celebrate a day of thanks!

Duchesnay Falls in the Fall!

What struck me was that VOMD's friend has faced, much like VOMD, a great deal of opposition to his lifestyle choice from coworkers and strangers who find out he is vegan. He told us that at one point he was called a "faggot" for not eating animal products. His response to this type of hate is very understandably to keep his veganism to himself as much as possible. I have heard from others who tell me that they are called pussies if they tell people they are vegan. I am so sad and sorry that this is the case for many of those who choose to go vegan and it seems especially the case for vegan men. VOMD faced the same sort of discrimination in the workplace when working for a cement pouring company here in Hamilton. It is one of the reasons he chose to leave that job in search of greener
(and kinder) pastures.

This is why I will never stop talking openly about being vegan - so that some day they can feel safe doing so too (and obviously so that some day the planet and all the animals that live on it will be safe from human violence).

Speaking with Sherry at Piebird we learned her approach to talking about veganism among non-vegans - wait to be asked and then acknowledge that you are happy to answer the question. I think that this is a great approach. Teach by living. But sometimes teaching by ling isn't enough. Vegans get a bad rap for talking about their food and their lifestyle choices a lot. I think that what is actually going on is that non-vegans just notice more when we talk about our food because it sounds different; it stands out. It is like if all the world's gardens had only blue flowers; yellow flowers would certainly stand out, even if there were only a few. When we talk about our lifestyle choices, and about our love for animals, and our decision not to profit from their misfortune, it stands out!

Think back to the last holiday dinner (maybe Thanksgiving dinner!) with a group of vegans and non-vegans. Now, in your head, count how many references were made to turkey, hunting, milk, and other animal products by non-vegans. Now count the number of times a vegan mentioned their diet and lifestyle. Chances are the vegan only talked about their food once or twice - perhaps they declined a slice of turkey or asked if the potatoes had milk in them. Chances are the non-vegans gushed at length about the turkey, about how much they loved butter, and (if you have family members who hunt around this time of year like I do) possibly talked at length about their latest kill (or miss).

We are told that we talk about our veganism too much. But I think we don't talk about it enough. Obviously people who have blogs like this one (and many others which are much better and more informative than this one!) talk about it plenty, but most vegans I know seldom mention it to anyone at all because they are either tired of or scared of being bullied. But instead of hiding it we really need to talk about it more. We need to talk about it so much that it becomes normalized in our culture. We need to make it so that they are at least as many yellow flowers as there are blue ones!

I will never hide my veganism largely because I want my boyfriend and especially his male and male-identifying friends to feel comfortable telling their macho work buddies that they are vegan. I want them to be met with expressions of admiration rather than disgust. Or better yet, I want them to tell their workmates they are vegan, only to realize that their workmates are vegan too!

I will never hide my veganism because if I do it says to those non-vegans who are hateful (and I am certainly not saying that this is the case for all non-vegans) that I am ashamed of my choice. I am not ashamed to be vegan. I will not be scared into submission by your violence and your hateful words. I made a choice based in compassion, love, and respect for all living beings and the planet.

If you have faced this type of sexist, bigoted bullshit discrimination, please keep this in mind: In a world where homosexuals have fought tooth and nail for acceptance and equality "faggot" is not a convincing insult; being a faggot in our culture means that you have the courage and strength to be yourself. Remember also that the "Pussy" is a symbol of feminine strength. Pussies are capable of giving and receiving of pleasure. Pussies literally make the world go round! Pussies give birth to LIFE! If being vegan makes you a "faggot" or a "pussy", then wear those labels with pride my veggie friends.

In solidarity.

Happy Wednesday!

-J

I love you even if we don't agree.

I've been having a lot of little spats with people lately about politics, ethnicity, animals rights and feminism. It comes with the territory of sharing your views online and I totally welcome opposition. I shared a couple posts over the last couple weeks about xenophobia and sexism and advocated for deleting toxic people off your friends list and from your life.

But not everyone deserves to be blotted out. I mean, opposition is healthy and challenges to my way of thinking are what made me a feminist vegan in the first place, so challenge away!

I guess it doesn't always seem like I'm open to challenges, though, and I suppose I need to work on that. I was recently called intolerant and it made me think seriously about whether my fanatical obsession with social and animal justice have turned into a jerk. I read through a few of my blog posts and my journal to see if I could find evidence of this. I found that there is some of evidence that I am intolerant, but mostly my intolerance is of...intolerance. I don't think that that is real intolerance.

I have come to the conclusion that while I am obviously very passionate and can sometimes say things that seem offensive to some, I am not a jerk and I am in fact a very tolerant person. My friends and family love me in spite of my fanaticism and I love them right back. My experiences over the last 4 years of being vegan have taught me that there are actually a ton of things that I will totally tolerate, even though they make my blood boil. For example:

1. If you believe deeply in any God, I might not understand or agree with you, but I love you anyway!
2. If you think that science is stupid and prefer to live life spiritually without concern to deep understanding, that's actually totally okay with me and I love you anyway!
3. If you don't support gay marriage for religious reasons I have to say that this makes literally no sense (unless you're opposed to the concept of marriage altogether), but if you don't shout it from the roof tops like an ass (like...if you tell me in confidence and have a non-yelling conversation with me about it) then believe it or not even though I am totally appalled and confused I love you anyway! 
4. If for some reason you think there are only two genders, I realize you and I are both products of our cultures and I love you anyway!
5. If you hypocritically love animals but eat animal products, it makes me incredibly, insanely, deeply sad (and sometimes very angry), but I love you anyway!
6. If you vote Conservative for whatever reason, I think you are probably not thinking things through and you need to sort out your priorities but I still love you anyway!
7. If you are doing your best for the planet and trying genuinely to be a good person then even if your tactics don't line up with my values I love you anyway!

If you are outwardly homophobic, xenophobic, sexist, hateful, hurtful, or just mean then I don't really love you. If you call me names, tell me I'm ignorant, or threaten my safety or the safety of anyone else on this planet, I really don't love you. but I still think I could if you admitted you were being unjust and unkind, and changed your ways. Why? I think its because loving feels so much better than hating. Love is the reason I do almost everything I do. I love animals, and therefore I am vegan; I love humanity and therefore I respect all peoples; I love women and therefore I think they deserve freedom and equality; I love people of all genders and sexuality and therefore I think intolerance must be challenged; I love the planet and therefore I am an environmentalist. 

Most of all, I love you for reading this blog. You deserve a kiss. Kiss yourself for me, will you? 

Happy Tuesday!

-J

ps. Less than one week until voting day!!!! let's make this one count!