Friday, March 11, 2016

Understanding that its not all about me

When we took Toojoh into our care I felt like I often do when "rescuing" an animal. On top of the obvious feeling of joy in being able to assist an animal, and the sadness at their situation, I felt a feeling of self-righteousness! Look how kind I am; I can take care of this animal better; how could someone let it get this bad? And on top of this self-righteousness was an immense sadness. I can't believe this poor boy is so sick. It makes me so sad. I feel so sad for him. Why can't I just make him feel better? While I'd genuinely like to believe of myself that my intentions were entirely selfless and that I was taking Toojoh for his health and happiness, I focused a lot of the attention on myself. I've got to spend some of our wedding money,  I pouted to myself, I can't believe this is happening right now of all times.

What I did was, I made it about me.

But, it is not all about me.


Toojoh's health and happiness in this case should be the priority and my emotions regarding his health and his happiness are tertiary at most. Yes, I do believe that my happiness should be a priority for me. But sometimes it is appropriate to set aside your own feelings in order to do what is truly right for someone you love. In this case, I need to try to set aside my feelings to do what is right for Toojoh.

Relatedly, after a great conversation with my lovely friend here in Hamilton, I realized that my happiness cannot be dependent on the happiness of others. This includes my animal friends. I should still feel for them, but in the case of Toojoh, his sickness and his pain should not determine how I feel in every moment of the day. I need to remember to set aside some time to focus on my own needs and feelings as distinct from the needs and feelings of my animal companions. By taking care of myself like this I can become a better caregiver to them because I will no longer be making decisions for them that reflect my own feelings rather than theirs.

Easier said than, done, I guess. But the first step for me is going to be taking an hour to do yoga every day, just for me. The second step is setting aside at least an hour every day for each of my companions where their needs, in that hour, are my only priority. 1 uninterrupted hour for me, 1 uninterrupted hour for each of them.



On another note, my handsome fiance, VOMD, is headed to Ottawa to visit his best man for the weekend and me and the animals have the house to ourselves. I think sappy romance movies and obnoxious pop and country music will probably take up some of our time over the next couple of days while he is away!


Happy Friday!

Johanna


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